A good laugh heals a lot of hurts
A laugh a day keeps the doctor
away? Laughter helps us stay mentally healthy and improves the quality of
life. Always find a reason to laugh. It may not add years to your
life but will surely add life to your years. Animals have no function of
laughing or committing suicide; only human beings know this function ? Laughter is an amazing ability that God gave us all. Laughing helps us cope with the sadness of life.
Laughter is the best medicine; priceless medicine, fun, free and easy to use. A good, hearty laughter exercises and relaxes our body muscles, improves our respiration. Laughter improves the function of blood vessels and increases blood flow, which can help protect us against heart attack and other cardiovascular problems.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. Laugh a lot, it burns a lot of calories. Laughing is, and will always be, the best form of therapy. Laughing increases our intake of oxygen-rich air, helping our heart and muscles. It activates our stress response -- increasing heart rate and blood pressure -- and then cools it down, leaving us with a sense of relaxation.
A good laugh is a sign of love. Laughter makes the soul sparkle. Sometimes we laugh by remembering the days we cried. And we cry by remembering the days we laughed. Spend time with people who make you laugh. The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. Laughter has a great way of bringing different people together. Draws people closer to each other. Laughter can even unite people during difficult times.
Don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop laughing !
Keep an open mind, but not so open that your brains fall out.
What key won't open any door? A turkey.
How do you know carrots are good for your eyes? Because you never see rabbits wearing glasses.
How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut !
Stop saying that marriage is "just a piece of paper". So is money, but you still get up every day and work hard for it.
People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
A man goes to library and asks for a book on Suicide......... Librarian looks at him and says: "hello.. who will return the book ? "
A woman went shopping. At the cash counter she opened her purse to pay. The cashier noticed a TV remote in her purse. He couldn't control his curiosity and asked, "Do you always carry your TV remote with you?" She replied " No, not always, but my husband refused to accompany me for shopping today ......... The shopkeeper laughs and takes back all the items that lady had purchased. Shocked at this act, she asks the shopkeeper what is he doing. He said your husband has blocked your credit card .........
Do You Know Me ?
How could an innocent question like "Do you know me? " end up like this? And why lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand -- a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, " Mrs. Jones, do you know me ? " She responded, " Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you. " The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, " Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney ? " She again replied, " Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention, he cheated on his wife with three different women -- one of them was your wife. Yes, I know him. " The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, " If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, I'll throw your sorry asses in jail for contempt."
Guy walks out of the restroom... Girl says: "Sir your garage door is open... Guy asks: "Did you see my Harley"... Girl says: "No, I saw a mini bike with two flat tires".
A man received a message from his new neighbor from India:
"Sorry sir, I have been using your wife day and night when you are not present at home -- maybe using more than you are using. Now I feel very much guilt. Hope you will accept my sincerely apologies."
The man shot his wife...
A few minutes later he received another message:
"Sorry sir, spelling mistake ... wifi, not wife".
He calls the internet provider:
"Cancel my internet services because I am done with the issues ! "
Tech Support: "I need you to
on the Open Desktop."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point ?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write "click" and I wrote "click"
No English dictionary has been able to explain the difference between the two words 'complete' and 'finished' in a way that's so easy to understand:
Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE & FINISHED, but there is:
When you marry the right one, you are COMPLETE.... And when you marry the wrong one, you are FINISHED.....
And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are ... COMPLETELY FINISHED !
If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three.
Take my advice; I don't use it anyway.
10 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope, and Johnny Cash. Now we have no Jobs, no Hope, and no Cash .....
They say with age comes wisdom. Therefore, I don't have wrinkles. I have wise cracks.
Life is trying things to see if they work. If I am ever on life support, unplug me... Then plug me back in. See if that works ?
They say, "Don't try this at home". So I am coming over to your house to try it.
Laugh while you still have teeth.
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
A thief stole my wife's credit card. But I let him keep it because he spends less money than she does.
People say I look better without glasses. But I just can’t see it. If you can't laugh at yourself call me . I'll Laugh at you !
You don't have to be a genius to understand these jokes.
These funny acronyms and abbreviations will sure make you laugh.
|B. O. S. S.||Built On Self Success|
|G. R. E. A. T.||Get Really Excited About Today|
|D. I. A. R. Y.||Darling I Always Remember You|
|D. I. E. T.||Do I Eat Today ?|
|N. A. T. O.||No Action Talk Only|
|C. L. A. S. S.||Come Late And Start Sleeping|
|H. O. P. E.||Hold On, Pain Ends|
|F. R. A. N. C. E.||Friendship Remains And Never Can End|
|A. D. I. D. A. S.||All Day I Dream About Soccer|
|D. H. L.||Deliver Half Way Lost|
|G. M. A. C.||Give Me A Car|
|B. M. W.||Be My Wife|
Don't trust people who don't laugh. A day without laughter is a day wasted. Every day you spend without a smile, is a lost day. The most wasted of all days is one without laughter ! Laugh a little harder, cry a little less, and smile a lot more.